for you

Cardmaking, I'm learning, is tricky business. As a scrapbooker, I tend to want to put too much stuff on. Often, the simpler option looks better and says what you want to say more clearly. This was a really easy 'stamp, cut and paste ' creation. But it took a while to get the colour the way I liked .


This is for the one who always runs to get the umbrella when it rains. and when it's sunny. =)

another monday

I made cards again. I took out all my stuff to work on my 'week in the life' project, but I put them aside. Usually it's too late to start. Midnite is about when I'm free to create. If I start then, I'll be up until at least 2 or 3. Not a good idea. Especially with all the stuff to do. And, the photos that I had printed at a new shop were really bad. The colour was off. Everyone's face was orange. Sigh.

So it's Monday! We closed the shop on Saturday for 6 weeks. Summer break, catching up on back end work, preparing for a big change, some travel and hopefully some downtime. Not today though, end of the month errands and stuff. Life things, you know. You could scrap and make cards all day! But life is pretty exciting outside too.

I'm off to pick Sarah and maybe have a nice lunch with her . Last day of exams! =)
The card is for a friend, special request.

walking on water

If my life were a book , the last chapter would have been called, "Searching for the answer" and the next chapter would have to be called "Walking on water". Searching for an answer requires a huge amount of energy. I realized that today. Having made the big decision about my work two days ago, my body promptly decided to take a break. I lay down to take a nap after 'shop' today and didn't wake up for 3 hours! I'm sure I can't remember when I did that last, especially when I wasn't sick.

A 3 hour nap gets you popped up for at least 3 hours of serious scrapping. I worked on a Father's day project for next month. It's hard for me, creating for class. I take at least 3 hours to do a layout and I have to simplify everything for class so that the project can be completed within the time frame. I have to be careful not to oversimplify and not to lose the meaning & the story.I worked mostly with punches for this project and while it's not nearly done, I'm happy with the way it's going. I hope to have it completed by next week so I can get it up on the smidapaper blog.
Missing my own Papa and grateful for the Papa who is the subject of this little book!

test

trying out a new photo size

on being mama

I'm not too big on celebrations so on Mother's day I declined all the offers to go to my favourite places. I stayed in mostly, apart from the celebratory pilgrimage to the spa. What I really wanted to do was celebrate the folks who make me "mama". I almost could not complete my tribute because my photos were misplaced but Philip saved the day when he found the box in which the precious photos sat.The journaling was long and mushy so I'll spare you... I loved working with these colours and papers. Will probably incorporate them into an upcoming class . And it's been awhile since I've played with chipboard. After a spell of just making cards (and searching for my photos) this layout felt like 'coming home'.

settling in

I have been dying to scrap, to just make something. After 2 weeks, I have not been able to finish unpacking in my scrap space. Even my office is still a mess with files piled on the floor and shelves bulging with stuff, more files and yet more files. Yesterday I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Christina, Jo & me sat around moaning and groaning about our week, Jo about her kids and having to do everything, me about not having enough space & all of us collectively about people not turning out to be what you expected or believed . We tried to encourage each other and I came home and unpacked 6 boxes, looking at the stuff I had accumulated, like treasure, each with a story and slowly as the pile of boxes slowly disappeared, the stuff I love surrounding me, my mood improved and the frown gave way to a small smile. Then a grin.
There are still boxes under the table and not everything has found a home, but there's hope!

This evening as my desk began to peek through from under the stuff, I started to make a page. I haven't even printed the photo yet but I just needed to make something...

going home

random thoughts:
-i bought a copy of Self magazine with their yearly Self Challenge.I used to read Self years ago. I haven't opened it yet.
-why do people trivialize the significance of Easter?
-my friend wants to die
-what you choose affects others in ways you don't even think to imagine
-it's beginning to really look like we're moving
-i haven't scrapped in a long while. (class samples don't count)
-I haven't taken any photos in a long while
-why does it have to rain at 6?
-where are my glasses?
-ok, today I'm tired
-I really should pack
-in Him all things are possible
-5 more days =)

simple. uncomplicated.

My blog posts have been heavy with emotion lately. I could have written more heavy stuff. Like about disappointment...but, nah! I decided to make a card instead, to remember the things I am grateful for. And the people. This one's for you. I thought I'd do something fancy but in the end this was all that was needed. Super simple. I can't believe I made this but it was just what I needed. Uncomplicated.

I used stuff from My Mind's Eye 'Quite Contrary" range & WMRK's 'Vintage Blue'.(available after our sale at smidapaper) Just that & a stamp from Ali Edward's for Technique Tuesday. And of course Distress Ink. Let's say it 'de stress'. Maybe I should go back to serious. Happy Friday!

last friday =)

Surrender

I am scheduled to be at my desk. Not this desk in my room, where I read my e mail and plan my day, and write, but my 'other' desk. In my office. The one with unopened mail (I only open mail once a week when I can process it immediately), piles of paper, folders with stuff to act on... that desk. The control center. Of our 2 businesses, and household stuff. You know, bills, budgets, school stuff etc.

So I'm not at my desk.

I was gathering stuff to go there, but I stopped to pray. For grace. Strength.
Last year we moved to fulfill our dream of working and living in one place. It was a bad idea. Proof that overthinking leads to bad decisions. Next month we will move back to the home that we love. I used to get tired just thinking about things like that. I used to say 'I'm tired' a lot. Being sick for a great part of the last ten years, I 'collected ' a lot of baggage. There was a time I would only make one appointment a day. Because I was sick. I had to rest.

Things began to change a couple of years ago. Lessons in the dark. Things that would not make as much sense in the light of day. This time I refer to (to myself) as my 'grieving' period. So ensued the whole process of mourning for my health (and the self I will never be again), a relationship crumbled and losing my shop (and another huge part of who I was). In grieving , one is redefined. I am grateful for the voices of my teachers, "You think too much", "Don't take things so seriously", and a 16 year old voice, "You want it or not?"

Before I went away for Chinese New Year, I held the hope that there would be a new beginning. In a place that I dreamed I'd one day be, these words became the fitting end to my mourning. 'Don't hold on to the outcome.' In other words, surrender.

Surrender being victory.

So we keep moving. (not just literally, ha ha) Hopefully discarding our excess baggage along the way. Life happens. Good & bad stuff, not because God is punishing us, because everything is a result of the free will that we were given. Choices. Making those very choices a huge responsibility.

What's a person to do then, but the best we can, and then, don't hold on to the outcome. Let go. Surrender.

If you're reading this and 'mourning' for something in your life, I pray comfort & life into your situation. Be blessed. It is going to be well.

where on earth am I going?

So the dream is about to become real. Then there's what really is real. The work that is in between . 4 months to do all the preparation. Don't count on help. I find myself asking this question, "What on earth are you doing?" & "Where are you going?" Sounds like cold feet. =) Okay, have to stay positive. My moleskine isn't going to do it for me anymore. I dug out an old ring binder, with 10 tabs. This afternoon I will list my roles & tasks into broad categories and start listing my to dos in an organized fashion.

Better get cracking!

I've also been working on a new format for scrapbooking classes. Coming up real soon. It's looking like we can start mid April. So much excitement I think I might faint.

of midlife, art & rice fields

So I took a break! From the 19th of December.It was busy in other ways but I didn't work.I packed my bags for short trips away from home at least 5 times, visited and was visited by a bunch of people. Made peace with my mom, lost my favourite aunt. Read a lot. Cooked on more than 3 occassions. (ok, maybe 2)Surprisingly I didn't write very much. I did yoga, a ballet workout (don't laugh, it was in the privacy of my room to a dvd by the New York City Ballet), weights,cycled, walked, tore a ligament in my foot...
By the 2nd week I was starting to make some decisions. I had to check myself. Tell myself I didn't have to . Yet. I had time. My bills were all prepared by the 3rd week of the month. I started to think to myself, 'if this is midlife, might I live to be 95?'(smile)

Sometimes I worry that life will pass and I will not have done all the things I wanted to do. Sometimes I think that I'm just so tired and I need to rest. I used to think that a lot. Somehow, lately, I've been blessed with an extra portion of energy. I don't know when this happened or why but I'm suddenly not tired anymore. At all. Funny. So if this is midlife, and I have a whole other half of my life to live, I can rest later. Interesting revelation.

So I took a break, for almost 2 months. Then someone opened a new door to a dream I had but had shut away.

We went away for Chinese New Year. The first time we've ever done this. Something I'd been hoping to do for a long time. So this little hope took me to a place I'd dreamed of. 5 years ago I went to this site online and bookmarked it. I said I wanted to go there sometime and watch the sun go down on the rice fields. When I walked through those fields I could barely contain myself. I dreamed about it and there I was. It took a little while, sure, but I was there.

We saw a lot of art. Bought some , met some artists. Ate a lot. Had the best time. I came back ready to go back to work. 2 months off is a huge gift. My energy remains, my spirit is soaring as I stand in front of the new door. Almost ready to turn the knob. Almost ready to take a giant leap of faith , into something big & new & seriously exciting. The adventure just waiting, like a big green dragon, waiting to raise it's head and take me on it's wings, seeming to say, let me take you into whatever you dared to dream.
I think I'll rest later.

...happily along

This is the sight that greeted me this morning, an assortment of tags that I made the day & night before.

I'm getting into a routine with this project now, and today I was done before midnight. =)My process is very much focused on writing this year. I've got a little bag, with many compartments and I'm going everywhere with my eyeglasses, journal & pens and camera. Rather odd looking I would imagine , but it works for me. I write thoughts & observations, prayers and random thoughts as they occur. At the end of the day, I stick my i pod into my little speaker dock thingy, print photos and I'm set. My pages are simple and looking a bit vintage, although not too aged. The hardest part is deciding on what story to tell, with a day's writing , it's often hard to choose. By the end of December, I'll probably have a volume of stories, not to mention hundreds of photos. Today, 2 words that played up were rest & peace.

My eyes are failing! I lost my best glasses while on holiday, but happily, I had new ones made and I will back at the books really soon! Am really grateful for all the simple things.

And so it goes...

I had a heap of fun working on my first day, although I shan't repeat the 3am bedtime! I'm keeping my pages simple, trying to find and document real, everyday moments. Ordinary days, like today.

december days |take 4

Right up until last night, I wasn't sure if I would do another year of December Days.
It takes a lot, especially during an already busy time of year. I was thinking, if I were to do it, what format would I use? Last night I decided to go for it & that I would break the month into 3 parts & use a 6x6 card or paper based album. The past 3 years, I used various sized post & ring bound albums. So I went to bed, having made that decision & no other preparation .

I wasn't feeling so good this morning, so I skipped my prayer group meeting. Nothing major, in fact I've been having many good days lately =) I prayed a bit & was all eager to get started on my project. Then I realized what I wanted for my December. I wanted Him to be the focus of my December days. I'm not a religious person by any definition of the word, but I felt a desire for my family, my friends & for me, that He would reveal Himself in a new & real way & that people would 'consider & understand that the Lord has done this', (Somewhere in Isaiah...) , and that He is Christmas.

So, today turned out to be a pretty ordinary day. Same old Raisin Bran breakfast. Some writing, some picture taking. A whole load of paperwork. Philip put up the tree (we've yet to locate the decorations), went to market, did his usual runaround... Sarah came home, tea, more work, then date night. Followed by scrappping time, of course...

I downloaded photos, worked on my cover...a perfectly ordinary day. For which I am grateful. Grace, mercy... I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Apart from His unfailing love! =) Happy December!

outside, inside

Things have changed around here. With one person less in the house. The house seems bigger. A glimpse into what empty nest looks like, and yet not quite. Sarah has almost 3 years of high school to go. Which brings me back to choices, and my dream. To proceed would mean missing out on those 3 years, of forfeiting daily 4 o clock chats & tea, growing and learning and sharing.
Philip took a bus the other day. He texted from across the street. "Can you see me?"
I looked out and he waved. So simple, taking a bus.I haven't done that in the longest while. Or read a novel. Or watched TV, in bed. "How to be simple?", he asked."do less, have less, want less, work less, live more", I replied. "and move to the mountains?" he asked , and I could imagine the gleam in his eye.I thought about it , then asked, "Will it have a view of the ocean?" Not so simple...
Outside my house I have this view, blue green sea right up to the horizon. Driving home is the best, even driving out the gate , if you're not preoccupied, you look up and gasp...

I didn't make any more Christmas cards. I lost my rhythm, things came up, work piled...
I was supposed to be at a women's conference at church today. Friday 9am. Check. I closed the shop, started to clear my desk yesterday, then I discovered that it was on Saturday! Well, ok, I now find myself with a free day. Odd. Nice. A whole empty page with no appointments or commitments. =) So I happily worked at my desk, no phone nearby and when I finally went to get my phone Caroline had left a message that she was in town and could we meet on Friday for lunch, tea...
Ok.
So today is filled up. Desk. Caroline. Pick Sarah. Send for Guitar lesson. Pei Pei. Exercise...bla bla etc.
Tomorrow, shop closed, Women's Conference, Weekend... away for a week...and on and on, inside outside, where am I going?
Two questions play in my head.
1.Could I do the 'no appointments on my moleskine page' thing? Everyday?
2.Who would I be if I didn't work?

The shop is closed today. At 8.30 I was warring with myself. "Should I go there anyway? Maybe some people didn't get my message or go to the website..." I resisted. So here I am, writing random observations, watching my thoughts , like those red ,lit moving messages at the airport... never ending, repeating, then changing,then repeating.

here comes a break!

I did clear my desk by about 6pm ! Yay!

Today, packed, done budget! Appointments after lunch then finalize my Ikea list. Need storage for the shop.
My head is filled with ideas! For classes. And a new dream. I have a name for it already and I can see it. Making lists. Drawing plans. It may or may not happen but the dream is looking mighty real.
Here's proof that anything can happen and that we never know what's around the corner!A pic of Sarah (oct 2003) standing outside what is now my scrap room at home. Who would have thought?
I'm about ready for my trip. Always refreshing and inspiring to be in a different place for a while. =) Have a great 'rest of the week' and don't ever give up on your dreams.

to do! must do!

Rainy day! Perfect for lazing, writing, creating...
My agenda for the day: clear my desk of all paperwork before going for our break.
Creating will have to wait, but here's a peek at a minibook I've been working on, an idea for a class. Note the use of more red! =)Let you know if I did manage to clear my desk by 6 this evening. Onward!!

scenery

Has it been 4 years since this great scrapbooking adventure began?From a dream to reality. An exhilirating ride, dead end, re birth. another garden, new flowers, unfamiliar, yet not without promise. If smidapaper were 'life' and whatever scenery that changed as 'she' moved along was , well, 'scenery' , then 'life' remains and everything else has changed. But alas! it is not and it is life that remains. Yet changing. Always. Leaving the shop and all it represents to be part of the ever changing scenery.
I wonder if most people have a chance to do something that changed them, brought fire to their souls. Something that becomes so embedded in their being that it is hard to separate one from the other.
Yet comes a time when that must take place. Like putting shapes into a childs toy. The opening fitting blocks, instead of circles and squares, 'shop', 'hobby', 'art', ...
putting all that into place, perspective...





I took a break from Sarah's high school book last week to do this page. I used orange, which isn't really my colour but thought it went with the photo and the mood as well as add to the richness of the overall layout. We will start a series called "One Fabulous Layout" in which we will work on pages like these, everything you wanted to put all on one page, but never do 'cos it costs too much. You'll have your chance to make really special pages. Soon! =)

River

We sat outside. So engrossed we were, catching up, we hardly noticed Coffee Bean filling up and people spilling out to where we sat, realizing after 2 hours that we had forgotten to order drinks. We became friends , Sooi Ling and I after pastor Mike Koh suggested she lead our home fellowship. We were new in Penang and she was back in her hometown after years of missionary work. Villages in remote Sarawak being her land. Planting churches, sharing , sometimes on a tiny boat on a river, between hills.

We would sit around our big , square coffee table , an unlikely group of near strangers brought together by an immense power. She was 'shy-er' then, unsure if we would accept her , yet trusting what she had to share would be enough. It was.

We talked about rattlesnakes and manic depressive friends, moms & sisters & aunts, i phones, going to church vs 'doing church' over a bowl of vietnamese noodles. I told her that I feel out of place in church, like how I feel when I'm in a bar ... she said she goes to an African church and the only reason she's still there is because she needs to keep in touch for her work. After finally finishing her PhD, she's working on a project that bridges Islam & Christianity through music. This takes her around. She's over 50 and she isn't shy anymore.

I wonder if she knows that her annual visits from Pasadena feed my spirit . She is vulnerable and brilliant and has an interesting effect on me. On the one hand, really comfortable & easy banter and at once, a deep stirring and yearning to know the things she knows. To be more. We talked about being desert dwellers instead of always looking to the promised land, "God will meet you in the desert".

A few hours on a Saturday night 'doing church' enough for a year. Always her quiet wisdom carrying me, encouraging, her words, His words coming back, when the enemy strikes. Me, reaching behind, as if reaching for an arrow in the quiver, the words "You will live to see your dreams come true" or " Deep calls to deep" or "no more will your Teacher hide from you, everywhere you go you will hear a voice within you saying 'This is the way, walk in it' ,flying through and piercing the heart of fear, or darkness or doubt.

She showed me that it's ok to 'do church'in your pajamas, looking for worship songs on U tube with the one whom you most want your God to move, to touch. A river never knows how far it reaches or how many villages it feeds. Indeed!