River

We sat outside. So engrossed we were, catching up, we hardly noticed Coffee Bean filling up and people spilling out to where we sat, realizing after 2 hours that we had forgotten to order drinks. We became friends , Sooi Ling and I after pastor Mike Koh suggested she lead our home fellowship. We were new in Penang and she was back in her hometown after years of missionary work. Villages in remote Sarawak being her land. Planting churches, sharing , sometimes on a tiny boat on a river, between hills.

We would sit around our big , square coffee table , an unlikely group of near strangers brought together by an immense power. She was 'shy-er' then, unsure if we would accept her , yet trusting what she had to share would be enough. It was.

We talked about rattlesnakes and manic depressive friends, moms & sisters & aunts, i phones, going to church vs 'doing church' over a bowl of vietnamese noodles. I told her that I feel out of place in church, like how I feel when I'm in a bar ... she said she goes to an African church and the only reason she's still there is because she needs to keep in touch for her work. After finally finishing her PhD, she's working on a project that bridges Islam & Christianity through music. This takes her around. She's over 50 and she isn't shy anymore.

I wonder if she knows that her annual visits from Pasadena feed my spirit . She is vulnerable and brilliant and has an interesting effect on me. On the one hand, really comfortable & easy banter and at once, a deep stirring and yearning to know the things she knows. To be more. We talked about being desert dwellers instead of always looking to the promised land, "God will meet you in the desert".

A few hours on a Saturday night 'doing church' enough for a year. Always her quiet wisdom carrying me, encouraging, her words, His words coming back, when the enemy strikes. Me, reaching behind, as if reaching for an arrow in the quiver, the words "You will live to see your dreams come true" or " Deep calls to deep" or "no more will your Teacher hide from you, everywhere you go you will hear a voice within you saying 'This is the way, walk in it' ,flying through and piercing the heart of fear, or darkness or doubt.

She showed me that it's ok to 'do church'in your pajamas, looking for worship songs on U tube with the one whom you most want your God to move, to touch. A river never knows how far it reaches or how many villages it feeds. Indeed!

Alone again, naturally!

I'm alone. I tend to head for pen and paper when I'm alone. To write. Dream on paper. This song , "Alone again, naturally" was one of my favourites when I was younger. (smile) If you didn't hear the words, you might have thought this was a happy song , with it's goofy , toe tapping, tempo. Gilbert O Sullivan, how he got me through heaps of sad days, feel sorry for myself days... the words were so simple,ridiculous even, they always got me out of whatever it was that was threatening to break my heart.

{... in a little while from now, if I'm not feeling any less sour, I promise myself to treat myself and visit a nearby tower, and climbing to the top, will throw myself off, in an effort to, make it clear to who-ever, what it's like when you're shattered.
Leaving me to doubt, talk about God and his mercy, who if he really does exist, why did he desert me.....bla bla, doo doo doo etc}

You've got to get this. It is timeless. Which is not to say that I'm remembering this and feeling melancholy, just that , I remembered, and it made me smile & I thought I might share it with you.

The human spirit is amazing. Resilient. If you're having a bad day or are going through a stretch of bumpy, even hilly road.Raging storms and all. I'm telling you sister, that you will get through this. That you have the power in you to heal yourself , maybe not in a day, but slowly, and most certainly in a little while.
Spend some time alone. Lie down for as long as you need to, by still waters or any comfortable spot of your choice. Write. Do yoga. Regroup. Talk to someone. Ask yourself the same question Sarah asked me. 'Yer want it or not?'. "Want what?" 'Life!'

Oh yes!

Embrace your alone time & have an amazing weekend.

crop

I went to a crop on Friday morning. I only did half a layout, but it was cool because it made me want to scrap! Which I haven't done much of in the last 4 months. I'm not usually too keen on crops, only because I never know what to bring. I had a plan this time, I printed 5 photos and packed my bag a day earlier. Once there, I couldn't finish my page... heh, missed out a few things. Anyway, I did manage to finish the layout at home this evening. Maybe I'll post it later. And the good news,next week's crop is at my place.

today

Today, take flight , believe in the possibilities. Whoever told you that you couldn't paint, or sing or write or shout out loud , that today is the day your heart takes flight. Your soul soars, into who you want to be. You can be & do anything you want to do. Fill the parts of you that have been whispering, prompting your soul to wake up to the beautiful song playing, singing your name. It is NOT over. It is just beginning, unfolding. Your wings have been unearthed even as you searched, this is what you found. TODAY! Art is life & the music of your very true self. Go ahead, spread your golden wings & soar. Life is beautiful. Really, truly. Say it. Believe it. Live it. Today.

I want to see

Time, they say , heals all wounds. Hmmm, maybe,depends how the wounds were treated. Time! In a week one could move from despair to hope. In 6 months , things can change so dramatically that nothing is recognizable any more save for the few faces that have been around. How many trips to the hospital, how much dust can you sweep under a carpet? How many times can your heart break, or sing? Such a long time ago, or only yesterday?



A few months ago, my restless soul sought answers. The weight of the decisions I had to make wore me down. I came across a passage in my bible, about a blind beggar, making a huge din to get Jesus' attention. Everyone told him to hush up, saying , surely He would not give the beggar even the time of day, let alone hear his cries. But Jesus heard and asked him, "What will you have me do?"
The blind man replied "I want to see". And Jesus let him. It felt like I was being asked "What will you have me do ?" And I could not answer. It felt like I could ask for anything. And yet, I couldn't think of what to ask. In the end I asked, "I want to see!"Oh, that scales would be lifted from the eyes of my heart. oh that I would not lose my vision. And everything became clear.

Decisions made and carried out. I scrap from a little table in the corner of my bedroom. Even in my exhausted state, I can see clearly, and things are looking awesome.

the blog stops here

We went for a bicycle ride around the neighbourhood this eve. It looked like rain so we skipped our usual walk in the gardens, preferring to stay close to home. I had my i pod, and lagged behind Philip. We rode along the path, by the sea, "Love me for a reason " playing and I was transported to a time long ago. The same song plays, Donny Osmond's version. (smile) I was then at the age Sarah is now. I often put myself in my 15 year old shoes when I work with her. I try to feel what she might be feeling, see how she may be seeing. It helps.
Recently someone asked me to join Facebook. It is so 'not me'. I have few friends and they're all great. I can't imagine adding just anyone. And I feel mean for ignoring requests, but , hey...
Out of the clear blue I received an invite from Carmen. My teen buddy. We spent every evening cycling together or hanging out at each others homes. Growing up & discovering life, in the old neighbourhood. So funny, after more than 30 years! How did we lose touch? Today, riding my bike, playing the same old song, remembering and smiling to myself, I thought of Sarah. It's her time, 'a younger version of older me', as Brian Mc Knight sings. Not cycling, but on her computer, playing Wii, hanging out... with her teen buddies, her "Carmen". My role now, that of a coach, she playing the game. I'm still there on the sidelines, but she's playing the moves, making the choices, now & then glancing over her shoulder at me, knowing I'm there.
This will be my last post here on this blog. I will post scrapbook related goodies on the smidapaper blog and personal stories in my journal. Perhaps at some point I might start another blogging journey, if you feel inclined to follow, drop me an e mail or text message with your e mail add and I will send you a link.
Until then , stay well & live happy!
A final note to my dearest friends, the really long time ones from way back; Shirin, Jas, Carmen=)... long time friends from grown up days, Mike, Brig, Caroline,Mich... and Es, recent (and I hope you'll be around for a long time). You all rock! =) So dramatic, didn't know I had it in me. Ha ha! See you guys around...
p.s. to my most loyal reader, you rock , too.
Oh, happy new year, all. Well, bring it on, already!

new road for sarah

After 5 years of International school, we made a decision to place Sarah in a local school. We wanted her to grow in an environment that most Malaysians grow up in. She didn't know any 'Bahasa' and all subjects were in the national language. I remember how lost and forlorn she looked that first day in Standard 4. It must have been a huge culture shock for her but she took it in her stride.
Fast forward 6 years. PMR results day. Even with working in the store and studying in the store, she has done so well in all her subjects, even the dreaded "Bahasa' and now takes a new road. 4 years of high school. Papa & I are happy to give her this gift. For never complaining and always trusting and believing that we would give her the best that we could. Go Sarah!

hope

December days -Take 3 was a whole new experience this year. I started out doing it the same way, day 1, day 2.......after a week of that, it felt old. Did I want to take photos and write about the same things? Putting up the tree, last day at work, things around the house, date night? These same old familiar things didn't need to be recorded yearly, neither did I want it to just be about the 'book'. New techniques, which paper, colour? Page sizes, I'll stick some Hambly here, clever? Instead my pages looked like there was an invisible template, my hands and mind just comfortably doing the things I loved to do. The style that I've settled into.
So what exactly did I scrapbook? Well, mostly about stuff we were going through. Changes. Stuff that mattered, stuff that surprised me, like hosting a Xmas Eve party for 20 youths. Chocolate coloured nailpolish. Straightened hair. Meeting old friends. Old Aunts & new cousins. Forgiveness & humility. Disappointment. New traditions, like not cooking Christmas dinner. Appreciating Philip for cooking on Christmas day. PMR results. Decisions for smidapaper. Looking ahead...
Some days took up many pages. Some just words. No particular order. Many pages too personal to post.
And so December prepares to leave and January beckons, and through the process and the rest , I am almost ready. One more day -Day 31, Day 365. Seize it!
I was at Borders last night. Sarah gave me a voucher for Xmas and I went to choose myself a gift. Two things struck me;
1. Shopping with a gift voucher is such a deliberate delight. You won't end up buying magazines or some self help book. This is a gift and needs to be reconciled with the giver. Good fun. I spent almost two hours choosing one book. =)
2. Bookstores offer hope. A feeling that you can do anything! 'Maybe I can cook more often, oh this will help, I never knew that, ...' thoughts like these accompany you as you reach for another volume Never mind that you won't have time to read it.
So I left with the one book. The gift. The experience. And maybe that feeling of hope will last for a while.

May you be filled with hope this New Year's Eve! =)

day off

Days off were a common thing around our house, way back when... recently though it is a rare occurence and much looked forward to. Today it was my turn. Funny how you can be on leave for a week and only feel really free to do whatever you want, when the day has a title. 'Day Off!' I spent most of the day thinking and planning , and sorting my scrap space. Daily scrapping creates piles of stuff! We received a shipment from Chatterbox, and in it, the most beautiful velvet boxes, so perfect for organizing scrap stuff and so pretty to look at. =)

Now that eveything is nice and neat, I can settle down to some scrapping.

the wedding

The night before we left I made a layout for J & Staphanie in a frame. It was the first time I've actually given away a layout.:)
I remember him & Alvin & my guys playing at Richard & Kiran's house. So little they were & now he's married! Ok he wasn't that little , but that was almost 20 years ago...My favourite part of the wedding was seeing his big grin all the time that his beautiful bride was being walked down the isle to his side. I do hope someone took close ups! I feel so old . (smile) We took lots of pictures and thought I might make a little book about the wedding, the whole trip, the people... and maybe about the hope a wedding brings, of a lifetime ahead, a new beginning, promises...love. Stop me before I get carried away...

xmas time is here

I think it sneaked up on me! That leaves me very little time to prepare. Yikes!
We closed the shop for the year and I stayed back to finsih off my inventory. I really didn't want to come back to 'last year's work'! I wonder how long it will take for me to get into 'holiday' mode? (grin) So it's Christmas eve, eve and I'm not sure if I will be cooking. Things will be different this year. New traditions.

Our tree had been sitting there with nothing but the lights on for over a week . each day after work I would say we would do it the next day. Finally we came home one day and not only was it decroated, but with 2 more happy little trees. One was called the 'love tree' with hearts and 2 happy reindeer people in the middle. =)

I have not scrapped a thing since I've been on leave. We've been hanging out a lot with Philip's mum since she's been back from the hospital. Sometimes it takes a crisis, right smack in the busiest time to remind us that life still goes on even if we do nothing for a day or two! I've been taking pictures and writing down my thoughts, hoping that I'll be getting some scrap time soon.

We had a chance to catch up with family and friends on our trip to KL. So good to see so many people we love in such a short time. It certainly was hectic running around but I'm glad we went and I even managed to schedule time to have brunch with a really old friend. Really glad!

so much to say

The day before we went to KL I took a lot of photos. We had a class that afternoon, the Papa thing. I was feeling a little weary, doing everything includig the classes, wondering if there was a point. The ladies who came made sure I knew that there indeed was a point. They loved the class and their projects, left beaming and with extra kits to make some more for other loved ones. (smile) I took photos but I didn't scrap any. Instead I wrote. A whole 8x8 layout of words, save for a little Xmas tree on the side. Writing is a great way to clear your mind and gain perspective. Sometimes my head is so muddled I can't pray. On these occasions, I write. Works for me =)

scrapping & photos

I have so many photos of Sarah scrapping or making cards. =) Sometimes I'm at my desk at home and she'll be behind me, on the scrapping table. Her stuff is everywhere and she's started working on a new project which she calls "being sixteen". She's always asking for ideas and adapted the idea from our "papa quilt frame' for her inside cover. Will post a pic if she doesn't mind.



Philip goes everywhere with his SLR camera, very embarassing when he insists that we look his way! He took this when he dropped me off at the women's biz sense xmas brunch. Once inside, I completely forgot to take pictures! I hadn't seen all the ladies for a whole year and we got carried away catching up...

mid month

So quickly the days fly by! I have been having so much trouble loading my photos to my blog and in the end, I just leave it. I work on my December album late at night. In week 1 , I actually forgot about my red & brown theme and used mostly red and white. I 'm finding it hard to post my thoughts as I work through my pages this year. I want the journaling to reflect real life, as it is and if I were to post, then my writing will be shallow. And what is deeper, my struggles, thoughts, hopes, will not be recorded.
So art for display? Or tell it like it is?
Hmmm! Some of my favourite artists have blogs that are very candid. Very personal. While I try to be honest and true to life, there are some things that are better left unsaid... here anyway, so...
December days on this channel will just be snippets.

I'm having fun with layering and little 'groupings'. I can no longer just stick a sticker down plainly on paper.(ha ha) I'm also not very interested in techniques this time, but concentrate on colours, coordination and mood. In week 2, I've started working with pink. Last year I used mostly Xmas patterns but I didn't feel like it this year working with whatever conveyed the message of the day.

red & brown

My i photo has been acting up! I could not drag any photos to my desktop which makes it hard to post, ha ha. Anyway, it works now. Note to self: backup all my photos.
My December book is coming along. =) For the first week I'm trying to use touches of red & brown. I'm loving K & Co's Amy Butler line and some of Crate paper's stuff, especially die cuts and glitter borders, which I cut up for flower centres. Our Christmas tree has yet to be trimmed. I'm all packed for the weekend trip. Almost ready for tomorrow's class. Eep! Actually, not quite ready, will get on it now...

Yesterday I had a private lesson with a lady who wanted to do our Mum Card Box . in the end we modified and worked on a mini album instead! Her photos would not fit the tiny card album that comes in the box. Sigh! We completed the album in 2 hours! What a feat and she was suitably pleased. (Big sigh of relief) I photo acting up again, will try to post pics later!

december days- take 3

At midnight , Dec 1st, I decided I would do another December album.My 3rd . I have chosen to work with an 8x8 ring album and I hope to add pages with 4x6 slots. (hope I can find them) I will try to simplify the process and so will not update my blog daily but randomly. =) Last year I tried to use all kinds of paper, but I think this year I will have different themes for each week. I worked on a simple cover page in red & brown ...
December 1st turned out to be a busy day! Good thing we had a hearty breakfast at Spice Gardens. We started on a new project , to re do a home for a client, with the intention to rent or sell the property. It is something that Philip & I are passionate about and that we can work on together. We probably will not agree on some things but have agreed to leave those arguments, if they arrive, at the workplace. There is much to be done! Planning, budgeting, coordinating, designing...this is going to be interesting!

The weather has been awful and i've been missing my walks. The only exercise I got today was changing my sheets, yes, Monday is also cleaning day. I was much inspired by all the lovely new household outlets at Gurney Plaza. My room looks pretty now, new sheets, fresh flowers, lavender & patchouli in the oil burner.

Took loads of pics & printed some, all ready to scrap. I tried to focus on the details of life, like breakfast, pedicured feet, Sarah holding all the DVDs she's hoping to watch this holidays.
We put up our tree and lights, and decided to leave the decorations for tomorrow. We really raced through this year. I hope this December will be a little slower than the rest of the year. Oh I am so looking forward to a simple month!

almost december!

The classes are up! (Big sigh of relief) On Sunday I worked for 13 hours straight, finishing up the samples. It was exhausting! Who would have thought? Working on the "together ' minibook I was a bit worried that the class would take too long, but I think it'll be ok, quite happy with the way things turned out. I had the most fun doing the "Papa" frame project. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the 'subject', ha ha! Very heartwarming and all the little pieces of the quilt, all the colours that symbolize all that he is to us. I wonder if everyone else will have as much fun doing their little projects, too...
And so we come to December, and I'm thinking if I will do another December book. This will be the 3rd one if I do! It is a huge commitment especially in such a busy time but when we look through the albums, throughout the year, I'm so glad I did them.
I'll decide tomorrow...

we have the power...

According to history , the fall of civilisation was preceded by the breakdown of civility. A year ago I was griping about the breakdown of ethics in local schools, among the young people. Now it seems , this affliction doesn't favour any age group. people are in the habit of taking. Giving? What's that? Civility is what separates humans from animals. You know the common act of regarding fellow human being as , well, just that. Instead, someone hits the close button as you approach the lift with armfuls of stuff, or steals your parking spot as you move for the previous occupant to leave. In schools, the children study 'moral' , 'civics' and 'KH- kemahiran hidup' which translates as 'living skills'. And yet...

When did we become afraid to eat at the stalls in case someone grabs your bag or in Philip's case, lifts your handphone from the table even as we're eating? Does anyone care that every act of selfishness causes huge repercussions, not excludiing the demise of the very earth we live in? That people are turning inwards? And let's not even talk about the real problems in the world. And yet...
There is hope. In the market this morning I looked around, at first detachedly, at all the people . Then again, and this time relised that we are all connected. That we can't change anyone except ourselves. And that we have the power to pass an attitude of civility on to our children. Awesome . Happy Sunday!

sunday scrapping

After spending most of Sunday working on & completing class samples I got some time in to do a few pages for my 'live happy' project. I also started 'revamping' Sarah's baby album. Quite laughable what I came up with then. I can't believe I used mustard cardstock on one of the layouts. Note: a big project like a baby album should be undertaken after trying your hand at a few less daunting endeavors. Pics soon.

direction

For the first time in 3 weeks, I'm not at my desk, working, as has been my nightly routine. My folders and stuff weren't sent home to me from the accounts people, so, it appears, I have myself an unexpected reprieve. Should I read? Sleep early?
I've been thinking a lot about the direction the store is taking. Running the store has been a 'point & shoot' experience, like those handy digital cameras...this , that, a little bit of everything. There are so many aspects of this scrapbooking thing. Somehow I feel everything has gotten a little out of control. It's become a 'who dies with the most toys' scenario. And , alas, I have contributed to this greed. I'll admit I love my crop a dile , and Esther, how did I ever scrap without that super paper trimmer but there is a limit to this madness.
Ok, so there's art and creativity. Then there's the element of play. (& here's where the glimmer mists come in!) There's the story; words & pictures. And then there is product. And this is what I'm getting at. It's not just about the product!
Our 'first ever' client came in today. We found her at the bookstore,almost 3 years ago, looking at craft magazines and told her about our little store. It really was little then, all the product we had could fit into the boot of a GTI. Yet she found loads of things she liked. Today she came in for some cardstock and I noticed she chose red, black & white. Just as she did all that time ago. There is another client, who in the past few weeks has bought the same patterned paper at least 5 times.
Scrapbook stores are running out of ideas to market the ever growing, (no kidding), product range! Undercutting has become the norm. Hey , hold the bus! What is it we're doing again? Scrapbooking? Sounds like guerrilla warfare! Everyone has a design team, hmm should we?? Sales, discounts ...What the consumer/ scrapbooker doesn't know is that it takes each purchaser/ scrapbook store owner a good 7 days of work to put that new product in her hand. My husband says, for the time & effort I put into the store , I could be running a very large corporation. For some store owners, the wave has taken their exhausted bodies so far into the ocean that there's no turning back. Don't even ask how often they/ we scrapbook...
But wait, I love to work... but at what? Which brings me back to thinking, about that direction. The goal being to encourage people to preserve their memories, to guide them , help them to tap their creativity. Which will make the whole experience worthwhile. To show them how to find their sense of play, find their style, their groove. Product is necessary, but not the reason why we scrap. Which should be 'people'. Maybe creating a minibook that ROCKS for someone you love. But that's about people too. Or putting together a family album that everyone will cherish for years to come. Wait a minute, that's about people too. Well, you get the picture...