outside, inside

Things have changed around here. With one person less in the house. The house seems bigger. A glimpse into what empty nest looks like, and yet not quite. Sarah has almost 3 years of high school to go. Which brings me back to choices, and my dream. To proceed would mean missing out on those 3 years, of forfeiting daily 4 o clock chats & tea, growing and learning and sharing.
Philip took a bus the other day. He texted from across the street. "Can you see me?"
I looked out and he waved. So simple, taking a bus.I haven't done that in the longest while. Or read a novel. Or watched TV, in bed. "How to be simple?", he asked."do less, have less, want less, work less, live more", I replied. "and move to the mountains?" he asked , and I could imagine the gleam in his eye.I thought about it , then asked, "Will it have a view of the ocean?" Not so simple...
Outside my house I have this view, blue green sea right up to the horizon. Driving home is the best, even driving out the gate , if you're not preoccupied, you look up and gasp...

I didn't make any more Christmas cards. I lost my rhythm, things came up, work piled...
I was supposed to be at a women's conference at church today. Friday 9am. Check. I closed the shop, started to clear my desk yesterday, then I discovered that it was on Saturday! Well, ok, I now find myself with a free day. Odd. Nice. A whole empty page with no appointments or commitments. =) So I happily worked at my desk, no phone nearby and when I finally went to get my phone Caroline had left a message that she was in town and could we meet on Friday for lunch, tea...
Ok.
So today is filled up. Desk. Caroline. Pick Sarah. Send for Guitar lesson. Pei Pei. Exercise...bla bla etc.
Tomorrow, shop closed, Women's Conference, Weekend... away for a week...and on and on, inside outside, where am I going?
Two questions play in my head.
1.Could I do the 'no appointments on my moleskine page' thing? Everyday?
2.Who would I be if I didn't work?

The shop is closed today. At 8.30 I was warring with myself. "Should I go there anyway? Maybe some people didn't get my message or go to the website..." I resisted. So here I am, writing random observations, watching my thoughts , like those red ,lit moving messages at the airport... never ending, repeating, then changing,then repeating.

here comes a break!

I did clear my desk by about 6pm ! Yay!

Today, packed, done budget! Appointments after lunch then finalize my Ikea list. Need storage for the shop.
My head is filled with ideas! For classes. And a new dream. I have a name for it already and I can see it. Making lists. Drawing plans. It may or may not happen but the dream is looking mighty real.
Here's proof that anything can happen and that we never know what's around the corner!A pic of Sarah (oct 2003) standing outside what is now my scrap room at home. Who would have thought?
I'm about ready for my trip. Always refreshing and inspiring to be in a different place for a while. =) Have a great 'rest of the week' and don't ever give up on your dreams.

to do! must do!

Rainy day! Perfect for lazing, writing, creating...
My agenda for the day: clear my desk of all paperwork before going for our break.
Creating will have to wait, but here's a peek at a minibook I've been working on, an idea for a class. Note the use of more red! =)Let you know if I did manage to clear my desk by 6 this evening. Onward!!

scenery

Has it been 4 years since this great scrapbooking adventure began?From a dream to reality. An exhilirating ride, dead end, re birth. another garden, new flowers, unfamiliar, yet not without promise. If smidapaper were 'life' and whatever scenery that changed as 'she' moved along was , well, 'scenery' , then 'life' remains and everything else has changed. But alas! it is not and it is life that remains. Yet changing. Always. Leaving the shop and all it represents to be part of the ever changing scenery.
I wonder if most people have a chance to do something that changed them, brought fire to their souls. Something that becomes so embedded in their being that it is hard to separate one from the other.
Yet comes a time when that must take place. Like putting shapes into a childs toy. The opening fitting blocks, instead of circles and squares, 'shop', 'hobby', 'art', ...
putting all that into place, perspective...





I took a break from Sarah's high school book last week to do this page. I used orange, which isn't really my colour but thought it went with the photo and the mood as well as add to the richness of the overall layout. We will start a series called "One Fabulous Layout" in which we will work on pages like these, everything you wanted to put all on one page, but never do 'cos it costs too much. You'll have your chance to make really special pages. Soon! =)

River

We sat outside. So engrossed we were, catching up, we hardly noticed Coffee Bean filling up and people spilling out to where we sat, realizing after 2 hours that we had forgotten to order drinks. We became friends , Sooi Ling and I after pastor Mike Koh suggested she lead our home fellowship. We were new in Penang and she was back in her hometown after years of missionary work. Villages in remote Sarawak being her land. Planting churches, sharing , sometimes on a tiny boat on a river, between hills.

We would sit around our big , square coffee table , an unlikely group of near strangers brought together by an immense power. She was 'shy-er' then, unsure if we would accept her , yet trusting what she had to share would be enough. It was.

We talked about rattlesnakes and manic depressive friends, moms & sisters & aunts, i phones, going to church vs 'doing church' over a bowl of vietnamese noodles. I told her that I feel out of place in church, like how I feel when I'm in a bar ... she said she goes to an African church and the only reason she's still there is because she needs to keep in touch for her work. After finally finishing her PhD, she's working on a project that bridges Islam & Christianity through music. This takes her around. She's over 50 and she isn't shy anymore.

I wonder if she knows that her annual visits from Pasadena feed my spirit . She is vulnerable and brilliant and has an interesting effect on me. On the one hand, really comfortable & easy banter and at once, a deep stirring and yearning to know the things she knows. To be more. We talked about being desert dwellers instead of always looking to the promised land, "God will meet you in the desert".

A few hours on a Saturday night 'doing church' enough for a year. Always her quiet wisdom carrying me, encouraging, her words, His words coming back, when the enemy strikes. Me, reaching behind, as if reaching for an arrow in the quiver, the words "You will live to see your dreams come true" or " Deep calls to deep" or "no more will your Teacher hide from you, everywhere you go you will hear a voice within you saying 'This is the way, walk in it' ,flying through and piercing the heart of fear, or darkness or doubt.

She showed me that it's ok to 'do church'in your pajamas, looking for worship songs on U tube with the one whom you most want your God to move, to touch. A river never knows how far it reaches or how many villages it feeds. Indeed!

Alone again, naturally!

I'm alone. I tend to head for pen and paper when I'm alone. To write. Dream on paper. This song , "Alone again, naturally" was one of my favourites when I was younger. (smile) If you didn't hear the words, you might have thought this was a happy song , with it's goofy , toe tapping, tempo. Gilbert O Sullivan, how he got me through heaps of sad days, feel sorry for myself days... the words were so simple,ridiculous even, they always got me out of whatever it was that was threatening to break my heart.

{... in a little while from now, if I'm not feeling any less sour, I promise myself to treat myself and visit a nearby tower, and climbing to the top, will throw myself off, in an effort to, make it clear to who-ever, what it's like when you're shattered.
Leaving me to doubt, talk about God and his mercy, who if he really does exist, why did he desert me.....bla bla, doo doo doo etc}

You've got to get this. It is timeless. Which is not to say that I'm remembering this and feeling melancholy, just that , I remembered, and it made me smile & I thought I might share it with you.

The human spirit is amazing. Resilient. If you're having a bad day or are going through a stretch of bumpy, even hilly road.Raging storms and all. I'm telling you sister, that you will get through this. That you have the power in you to heal yourself , maybe not in a day, but slowly, and most certainly in a little while.
Spend some time alone. Lie down for as long as you need to, by still waters or any comfortable spot of your choice. Write. Do yoga. Regroup. Talk to someone. Ask yourself the same question Sarah asked me. 'Yer want it or not?'. "Want what?" 'Life!'

Oh yes!

Embrace your alone time & have an amazing weekend.

crop

I went to a crop on Friday morning. I only did half a layout, but it was cool because it made me want to scrap! Which I haven't done much of in the last 4 months. I'm not usually too keen on crops, only because I never know what to bring. I had a plan this time, I printed 5 photos and packed my bag a day earlier. Once there, I couldn't finish my page... heh, missed out a few things. Anyway, I did manage to finish the layout at home this evening. Maybe I'll post it later. And the good news,next week's crop is at my place.