Wednesday, March 03, 2010

of midlife, art & rice fields

So I took a break! From the 19th of December.It was busy in other ways but I didn't work.I packed my bags for short trips away from home at least 5 times, visited and was visited by a bunch of people. Made peace with my mom, lost my favourite aunt. Read a lot. Cooked on more than 3 occassions. (ok, maybe 2)Surprisingly I didn't write very much. I did yoga, a ballet workout (don't laugh, it was in the privacy of my room to a dvd by the New York City Ballet), weights,cycled, walked, tore a ligament in my foot...
By the 2nd week I was starting to make some decisions. I had to check myself. Tell myself I didn't have to . Yet. I had time. My bills were all prepared by the 3rd week of the month. I started to think to myself, 'if this is midlife, might I live to be 95?'(smile)

Sometimes I worry that life will pass and I will not have done all the things I wanted to do. Sometimes I think that I'm just so tired and I need to rest. I used to think that a lot. Somehow, lately, I've been blessed with an extra portion of energy. I don't know when this happened or why but I'm suddenly not tired anymore. At all. Funny. So if this is midlife, and I have a whole other half of my life to live, I can rest later. Interesting revelation.

So I took a break, for almost 2 months. Then someone opened a new door to a dream I had but had shut away.

We went away for Chinese New Year. The first time we've ever done this. Something I'd been hoping to do for a long time. So this little hope took me to a place I'd dreamed of. 5 years ago I went to this site online and bookmarked it. I said I wanted to go there sometime and watch the sun go down on the rice fields. When I walked through those fields I could barely contain myself. I dreamed about it and there I was. It took a little while, sure, but I was there.

We saw a lot of art. Bought some , met some artists. Ate a lot. Had the best time. I came back ready to go back to work. 2 months off is a huge gift. My energy remains, my spirit is soaring as I stand in front of the new door. Almost ready to turn the knob. Almost ready to take a giant leap of faith , into something big & new & seriously exciting. The adventure just waiting, like a big green dragon, waiting to raise it's head and take me on it's wings, seeming to say, let me take you into whatever you dared to dream.
I think I'll rest later.


dragon said...

Have a really good flight! ;)

sunrise said...