Monday, October 01, 2007

rainy weekends & thoughts afire

At work , we observe all public holidays. This Saturday,was a holiday but we decided to open the store. It rained most of the day, but people still came. The rest of the weekend was slow paced. I didn't get much scrapping done, unless you count finishing a sample for an upcoming class. I spent a huge amount of time on this project and I learnt much in the process. Seeing myself half my life ago, through the pages of this minibook set so many thoughts afire, all burning in different directions and finally settling to a glow, a realization of a few things.

I was glad to discover that dreams do not die. And that I am as full of wonder as I was then. I have not lost the ability to pull myself back before spinning out of control. I am one of those people who thinks she can do everything. (I know one young lady with similar tendencies) Maybe I can, but at what price? I wrote in that little minibook until 4am on Saturday, no, Sunday morning. Many things were clear when I put down my pen. Answers to questions. Choices resolved.

I have been working for more than 8 years without more than a week off at any time, and even then no more than once a year!
In the last , almost 2 years since smidapaper started, we have not been away anywhere as a family. This was not the dream. Sometimes we do things because other people want us to. Maybe because we can, because we have the resources, capabilities.
Philip & I used to say, "When we have our own business, we can go grocery shopping when everyone is at work!". That is funny!

October is as good a time for resolutions as any. Or goals at least. It's all in the choices, This one is mine: Find a better balance between the work that I love and the rest of my life.(I choose the word' find' deliberately, for something that is lost) As I stared at the younger version of me, I promise her what she promised all those years ago. Always have the freedom to make choices. I have to say AMEN to that.

I spent the rest of the rainy weekend just hangin'. Taking a nap. Putting songs in my i pod. Eating wasabi nuts. Walking by the sea. Writing.

I will work with all the vigor and zeal as always . Ditto for the rest of my life.

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